Surgery Date Confirmed

I finally got a call back from my pulmonologist today with an appointment date for my pre-op clearance, which is what I needed to schedule the surgery and all the other appointments. I called the patient coordinator back at the neurosurgeon's office and she said a million things that I think I caught, but I asked her to copy me on the letters she was faxing to my primary care and other doctors. I wish there weren't so many different specialties involved. What I really wish is that I weren't doing this alone, and that I could count on such basic things as transportation to and from the appointments I'm making. It is all overwhelming. I'm grateful for the friends I have who are doing what they can, but they can't bear the whole burden themselves, either. I need to find more help somehow. I'm especially grateful for my therapist. I had a fifteen minute meltdown on the phone with him this morning, which was actually a relief. He reminded me that I need to schedule down time into the to-do list, and that I can only do one thing at a time, and to just accept that it's not all going to get done. He's right. What needs to happen will happen, and I'll deal with it either way. The "big picture" is too overwhelming to try to imagine doing on my own. I have to step back and focus on what is in front of me to do now, and let it go at the end of the day. I have eight weeks. It feels more like two, but it's not. That's plenty of time to let myself breathe, and to allow for sick days.

I've been dealing with unexpected sugar crashes over the last twenty-four hours. Last night it went down to 59, the lowest ever. It's weird to remember that ten months ago I was in the upper 400s. Today even after eating it was 75. I am not using the fast-acting insulin at all. I think I may have to monitor more closely and go down on the dosage of the long acting insulin now that my A1C is 6.6.

October 12! It's a Tuesday, and it's sixty-three days away. They're going into my head to take out the tumor and part of my pituitary. I'm glad I have one of the best surgeons out there specializing in pituitary surgery. I'm going to be in very good hands. All I have to do is show up and go to sleep.